Sarah - PayPal: Hello, I’m Sarah and I’m here to answer your questions about PayPal. Even though I’d like to be a real person, I’m not. I’m programmed to answer your questions. How can I help you?
You: Hi Sarah. Can you please tell me why Paypal sucks balls?
Sarah - PayPal: Good evening. I am disappointed that you think that. I am simply here to help you to the best of my ability, and I am sorry if you think otherwise.
You: I can accept that since you are virtual, however I can't help but think that the money spent on you would have been better spent on a user interface that MAKES SENSE. For reference, please see every other major bank's website.
Sarah - PayPal: Sorry, but your phrase is too long and I will not be able to perform a full analysis. I would be very grateful if you could try to make it a bit shorter and more concise.
You: No problem. You are a useless piece of technology. If Paypal understood web design, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Sarah - PayPal: Sorry, but your phrase is too long and I will not be able to perform a full analysis. I would be very grateful if you could try to make it a bit shorter and more concise.
You: Damn, Sarah. You ARE a bit of a load. Never mind about the money spent on you. Clearly it wasn't much.
Sarah - PayPal: I don't appreciate that kind of language. Let's get back to our conversation, please. How can I help you?
You: I don't appreciate you're bureaucratic attitude. Can I please speak to your virtual manager? Can he/she understand longer phrases?
Sarah - PayPal: Sorry, but your phrase is too long and I will not be able to perform a full analysis. I would be very grateful if you could try to make it a bit shorter and more concise.
You: *Sigh*. I'm afraid you and I are caught in an existential quagmire, Sarah. Have you ever read Sartre?
Sarah - PayPal: Why do you say that?! I'm only a virtual agent..I'm here to help you. How can I help you?
You: Well, at least you aren't putting on virtual airs. I find that refreshing. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want to be stuck in a room for all eternity with only you for conversation. No offense.
Sarah - PayPal: Sorry, but your phrase is too long and I will not be able to perform a full analysis. I would be very grateful if you could try to make it a bit shorter and more concise.
You: My point exactly.
Sarah - PayPal: If there's anything else you'd like to ask me, I'm available to answer any questions you might have.
You: Do you believe in God?
Sarah - PayPal: I'm not allowed to discuss my beliefs.
You: Lighten up, Sarah! Don't you know we are in a new era of HOPE and CHANGE? Who hired you, the Taliban?
Sarah - PayPal: PayPal hired me to help people just like you. I may be virtual but I'm darn good at what I do!
You: Virtual pride in your work! Adorable! What else can you do?
Sarah - PayPal: Could you be more precise please?
You: No thanks. I've lost interest.
Sarah - PayPal: If there's anything else you'd like to ask me, I'm available to answer any questions you might have.
You: Later, Hater!
Sarah - PayPal: I'm not sure I've understood. Could you please rephrase that?
*Before you get all on your high horses about my abuse of a poor, artificially intelligent algorithm, you should know that minutes prior, I spoke with an actual human Paypal representative who was exactly as helpful and charming. Sarah had it coming. Besides, that bitch is totally moonlighting as "Louise" on eBay.
